The Dog Days of Summer – pretty much the way I feel, too!
Road trip with friends:
A couple of weeks ago, my old high school friend, Dan, asked if Nancy and I would like to join him and his wife, Brenda, and our friends Steve and Cindy, on an overnight trip to Hutchinson, Kansas. Dan, Steve, Cindy, and I were friends in high school. I hadn’t seen Dan in at least 20 years when we reconnected at Steve’s and Cindy’s house for a 4th of July party several years ago. In a small world example, I had never met Brenda, nor he Nancy, yet Brenda and Nancy immediately recognized each other from working together as nurses as they both were beginning their respective careers.
We drove to Hutchinson in Dan’s and Brenda’s motorhome. They stayed in it, while the other four of us stayed in a motel. After checking in, we walked about a block to Texas T-Bone Steakhouse for dinner. Dinner certainly added to the good time we were having, with its good food and fun bartender (we ate at the bar).
We left dinner for the Red Shed, the venue of the concert. It was truly out in the country (though you don’t necessarily need to drive far to qualify as being “out in the country”). Dan maneuvered his motorhome through the trees hugging the long, winding driveway. Upon arriving at the “parking lot” – a mix of grass and gravel – we laughed at the ridiculousness of this large motorhome out in the middle of nowhere; we wondered if people thought we were the band!
Dan and Brenda had seen the band in Nashville. I’m not a fan of country music, though I enjoy some of the crossover hits. I was concerned about the band’s music, particularly when I heard the opening lyrics of one of the songs they perform: “It takes a whole lotta liquor to like her, which is why I drink all the time”; indeed, the song title was “Liquor to Like Her.” I reasoned that I really was there for the company, if not the music.
If you have the opportunity, go see this band: David Graham and the Eskimo Brothers. They were so much fun, and David Graham is great on the guitar – in my opinion, between his vocals and guitar work, he carried the show. Their playlist included a blend of original compositions and covers of songs by other artists. The mix leaned heavily on country, but included a blues song, Elvis, Glen Campbell, Johnny Cash, and one or two Roger Miller hits (I even remembered a lot of the lyrics to “Dang Me” as many of us joined in).
The six of us had a great time. Good company. Good food. Great band. Fun, albeit quirky, venue (they sold nothing but reasonably priced tickets; it was BYOB, and there was a food truck in case you didn’t bring food). Great weather, as we had an evening in the 70s to break a heatwave.
During the drive down and back, one topic about which the four of us high school friends seemed to share was our ambivalence toward our upcoming class reunion. None of us was committed to going; in fact, leaning toward not going. We would venture that if so-and-so or who-and-who or him-and-her came to town, we would go. Steve, who is pretty active on Facebook observed that he maintains some level of contact with just about anyone he might want to see. But this is a milestone – our 50th – and that was the persistent tug that finally pushed me to commit.
The email sent by the reunion planning committee included a list of deceased classmates. (I was pleased that I was able to have one name scratched off the list, as I knew she was alive and well!) I had mostly lost touch with the new classmates whose names made the list, but it nonetheless evoked memories of times we spent together in school. The list added a renewed realization that we’re aging, and the list will most likely grow at an increasing rate.
When our son was in college, he shared with me his concern about maintaining his long-time friendships from growing up through high school. I explained that as people “launch” into the world, his and his friends’ lives would change – careers, families, relocation, and so on. And each individual’s circle of friends would adjust to their new circumstances. They would carry their former bonds, and in some cases, they might continue to be actively engaged in their friendship, or their lives’ paths might bring them back together.
I used Steve as an example of how things circle back around. Our friendship dates back to elementary school. We’ve shared a lot of experiences together, most of which we can share publicly! Our interests began to diverge as we went to different colleges. He and Cindy married young and had a couple of kids. I was happy for them, but as a young, single male, I wasn’t ready to marry and have kids; and their priorities changed. We had our own career paths and each moved away from the area for periods of time in the process of developing our respective careers. Our paths merged again as I was calling the roll on the first day of a class I was teaching at the university; when I looked up, curious about the name, I thought, “My God, it’s Steve!” Of course, it wasn’t – it was his son whose looks made it apparent who his daddy was! That was the hook that pulled us back together on a frequent basis, and my life has been richer for it.
Despite having similarly gone on our own paths, I stayed in touch with Bill, another boyhood friend. I cannot explain why our friendship winnowed down to Christmas cards and a couple of emails or phone calls each year – and I think I carry more of the burden for that decline – but we have fortunately recharged the frequency of our contact. That’s what a Chiefs Super Bowl victory will do!
Finally, there’s Jeff. Another boyhood friend, we were roommates one year in college. We partied. (We kept a tab of how much we spent on alcohol! I don’t recall how much, but I wouldn’t admit it if I did!) We had a running game of two-handed Spades to 10,000. As good of friends as we were, we began to drift apart after he dropped out of college to work full-time while I continued. On the rare occasion we see each other now, our updates are cursory, and he dwells on how incredulous it is that I have changed so much – namely, quit drinking and smoking.
I use those three friends to illustrate for my son some possible directions his boyhood friendships might go. Steve and I were close friends whose paths diverged but circled back around to being good friends again; our conversations occasionally revisit the past, but primarily exist in the “now.” Bill and I also diverged but have resurrected our friendship based on current events with historical roots, though we don’t revisit those roots much. Likewise, Jeff and I diverged, but I perceive him as stuck in a period of our common past from which I’ve moved on; we’re still friends, but not in the sense that either of us has reached out.
Of course, there are many other friends who have gone down paths different from mine. Many of them have virtually disappeared from my life. Perhaps the reunion will provide an opportunity to reconnect with someone and forge a new path we can travel together. As the prophet Yogi Berra said, “If you come to a fork in the road, take it.”
As a postscript, I will tell you that my wife has become something of a David Graham and the Eskimo Brothers groupie. Here’s an example justifying it, based on his guitar work. Watch him play and get your toes tapping!
Mike's Fountain Pen 