I just finished our taxes. Honestly, I don’t mind paying them – I believe that we, personally, get a lot of value for our money: roads, bridges, schools, and so on – did you realize, for example, that it costs about $400,000 to resurface a mile of two-lane residential street? Certainly not in my budget!
Tax filing can be a stressful time. Just trying to fill out the basic forms can be tough, and it gets worse the more you have to report, such as business income, investment income, and so on.
One way to deal with the stress, however, is with a little humor. Following is an old joke about an IRS audit. It’s floated around for a while (joke sites, social media, even a YouTube audio), so you might well have read one of the variations. Here’s one that I cleaned up a little with a few edits. I hope it puts a smile on your face when you finally sit down to pencil to paper . . . or cursor to data entry box! I’ve included a sing-along at the end to get you started. 🙂
The IRS decides to audit Grandpa and summons him to the IRS office. The auditor wasn’t surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.
The auditor said, “Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that credible.”
“I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,” says Grandpa. “How about a demonstration?”
The auditor thinks for a moment, and says, “Okay. Go ahead.”
Grandpa says, “I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.”
The auditor thinks a moment, decides it’s not possible, and says, ‘It’s a bet.’
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor’s jaw drops. He certainly didn’t see that coming.
Grandpa says, “Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.”
The auditor can tell Grandpa isn’t blind, and he quickly checks Grandpa’s tax filing status to confirm it, so he takes the bet.
Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa’s attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous now, both about the amount of money and his career if this gets out.
“Want to go double or nothing?” Grandpa asks. “I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.”
The auditor, twice burned, is very cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much pees all over the auditor’s desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, fist pumping victoriously into the air, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.
But Grandpa’s own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
“Are you okay?” the auditor asks.
“Not really,” says the attorney. “This morning, when came for the audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it!”
Mike's Fountain Pen 