Steve and I go back about 60 years. We’ve experienced a lot together and even more apart. We meet for coffee about every other week. Whether past, present, or future – sometimes fused in a common timeframe – we cover a lot of ground. Fifty-two hours a year; time well-spent.
During a recent coffee, our conversation turned to the topic of death – our own. But not in a morbid sense. At 67, our discussion simply acknowledged that the cuckoo bird is going to announce only so many more hours. (Personally, I’ve adopted the aphorism, “Life is like a roll of toilet paper: the closer you get to the end, the faster it goes.”)
Some of our observations are quips. Steve, an accounting and finance guy, has jokingly told his kids that if he has a nickel left when he dies, his calculations were off. I like – I want my last check to bounce.
During that recent coffee conversation, we each reflected on our preference for cremation. Steve’s parents were cremated, and their ashes are in a crypt in the same cemetery where my parents are buried. Steve told his family that he didn’t care what they did with his ashes – though he has joked that he wants his wife to put his new knees on the mantel. His son told him that he wanted Steve’s ashes placed in the same memorial as Steve’s parents because he visits his grandparents’ memorial.
I told Nancy that I would like to have my ashes spread in the mountains; or if she wanted to spread it out over two vacations, she could also put half in the ocean. I admitted, though, that she and/or our son could choose whatever they wanted because I wouldn’t be able to complain.
Why cremation? Certainly, “ashes to ashes, dust to dust” sounds biblical, but you won’t find it there; the closest is in Genesis when God is casting Adam and Eve out of the garden and he tells Adam that he was made of the dust and when it is time, to the dust he will return. (I noticed, by the way, when I was verifying the verse, that Adam quickly blames Eve and, just as quickly, Eve blames the snake!)
Whatever the origin, the phrase certainly evokes the idea of the “circle of life.” (Yes, I’ve watched The Lion King.) The circle offers symmetry: the planets, moons, and stars in all the galaxy are spheres; if we seek the path of least resistance, we go around objects, work around problems; and many dated a girl named Runaround Sue.
In addition to the sense of symmetry, the traditional burial has always gnawed at me a little: you die, you’re embalmed so your body doesn’t decompose, you’re laid in a casket that would rival fine furnishings in a home, and that is put into a vault that it would take heaven and earth to move. Not to diminish anyone’s grave – it’s the process we used for our parents and all our relatives – but it just seems like it’s a little too much for me. Is the goal to preserve our society for archeologists in future millennia?
Somehow, as we have developed our knowledge and application of science, the prevailing attitude is that we are above nature, that we can control nature. We are nature. In my view, spreading my ashes in nature will be something of a return.
I also have some environmental concerns. A grave is 20 square feet; and you would need to add a little for the space between graves. The cemetery my parents are in is 45 acres. That seems like a lot of space to take out of other uses. On the flip side, cemeteries create green spaces. Those green spaces can justly serve as sanctuaries, a place to quiet your mind, to allow yourself to settle into a calming peace, to commune with nature – a nature that includes those that have gone before us and who have returned to be part of nature.
Note: The t-shirt graphic for “remember where” is from Life is Good®. I love their shirts and highly recommend them. Quality materials and creative messages.
Note: The “overthink” shirt is, I believe, is from Signals.com, which offers a cornucopia of shirts with different themes.
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